the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
