why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
