he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
