He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
