Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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