I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
