my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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