Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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