I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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