Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
