Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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