third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
