I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
