if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
