If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
