My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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