are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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