Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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