Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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