Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
