you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The power of my boobs compel you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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