Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
