I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
