bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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