3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
