she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
