Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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