Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
