My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
