but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
is that a dick in a sweater?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
