yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
