Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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