I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
