i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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