I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
