Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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