The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
