next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
