Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
