Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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