What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
