I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
