Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
