so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
