i think i have herpe
just one?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I love you. Go after that dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
