Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
