he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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