Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i will never coherently bang her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
