Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
