Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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