I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
